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Big ups (to mother earth):

brb: すぐ戻る/タンマ/チョイ待ち

btw: ところで(話変わるけど)/つーか/そーいえば

Cahoots:

This is weird. You could write that the two people who are in cahoots are ぐる (accomplices, cohorts), a phrase which doesn't use kanji. Here's a short and stupid example from http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004104:
AG: ぐるうううううううう! (Cahoooooooots!) (Lit.: Cooooooohorts!)
AG: ぐるって。 (Cahoots, I say.) (Lit.: Cohorts, I say.)
"Be in cahoots with [someone]" could thus be translated as "Be/Become [someone's] accomplice." Momoism 21:31, September 4, 2011 (UTC)
So that would be "(だれかと)ぐるになる"?

Cornball: 古臭い人

Derp: ボケ、バカ、アホ, 天然ぼけ etc. (I'm not sure which one works best...)

Facepalm: フェイスパーム (?)

I'm thinking more along the lines of "手に顔"

Fuckass:

Any combination of two these, クソ、マラ、まんこ、尻、野郎、臭い. Maybe 尻マラ (dickbutt)? -Wazzupyall 01:10, June 21, 2013 (UTC)

Get real!: ふざけるな/ふざけんな/etc

Gotcha!: 了解!/見ーっけ

Hit on (someone): いちゃつく

jk:冗談/ジョーダンだよ/まぁ嘘だけどね

lol: (笑). wwwwww is probably better, through. - NocturnalViolet 18:46, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Oh hell no: 勘弁してくれよ/ないわぁ〜/ねーよ/ありえねー!

Oh, Jesus: マジかよ/うわぁ〜…/ひっでぇな/やべぇ!

Pimp: モテ男

plz: ちょうだい

おねがい can work too, depending on the context. -NocturnalViolet 01:38, July 20, 2011 (UTC)

pooplord: クソ塗れ (Might be a bit too vulgar?)

Shit flew off the handle:

(Note: I wasn't sure if this should be placed in this page or the recurring phrases page, so feel free to move this. Can be made to include other related shit and handle shenanigans, too. -NocturnalViolet 01:38, July 20, 2011 (UTC))

Smartass: ガリ勉野郎/生意気優等生/皮肉屋/知ったかぶり

This may be a little bit too literal. Majutsukai 03:45, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
Agreed - most of them has geeky connotations. Can't think of any better alternatives, though...NocturnalViolet 09:59, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
I'm reminded of a photomanip from the Eva Fangeeks Translation Project where they changed Asuka's famous line from あんたばか? (“What are you, stupid?”) to あんた、ジャイヴの決の七面鳥? (あんた、ジャイヴのけつのしちめんちょう?, “What are you, a jive-ass turkey?”)
As of today, "try again, smartass" was translated as やり直せ、このうぬぼれ屋が, so うぬぼれ屋 would probably work. - NocturnalViolet 00:51, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Sup: よっ

Thingy: アレ

welp: じゃあ

For reference, Dave uses this in a way that means "Well I guess that's that, then." Majutsukai 03:45, July 18, 2011 (UTC)

Whatever: どーでもいい/知るか!/だからどうした!/あっそ!

Youth roll: 若者回転

suggestion: 青春回転